Tuesday, March 27, 2012

THE LAND BEFORE CRIME


Agent Machado takes extreme measures in tracking down the gunman, and has an even crazier idea to keep Bridget safe. Siobhan ponders forgiveness for 7 seconds thanks to Henry, and the first annual Martin Family Scheme-athon begins...thanks to favorable property values in Palm Springs.



We open on flashes of shocking scenes that are no doubt to come in the next hour, and it recalls fond memories of Alias. So you shouldn't be surprised to learn that after the title card, we're starting two days earlier.

Machado has been working tirelessly to locate/identify the loft gunman, but can't seem to make a connection. His frustration boils over after a stakeout of the evil dry cleaner devolves into him beating the shit out of a money launderer. Even with all the blood on his face, Vic still looks the best he has in a while..and it's pretty hot. Agent Torrance shares his penchant for being attractive, but unfortunately not for excessive brutality. So Machado gets suspended, but we all know he won't stop until Shaylene is avenged!

Bridget is still planning on testifying, but her idea of suggesting perjury to a federal agent (suspended or no) goes about as well as you would expect. But out of left field, Vic has a sneaky plan of his own for which Bridget is totally down. It involves playing dead on a mattress in a meth house in the Bronx. More on that later.

Siobhan - furious that she no longer has THE FLASH DRIVE - attempts to coerce Henry into getting it back from his father-in-law, but he spells it out that if they're going to be together...she really needs to forgive Bridget (and stop being so fucking crazy). She considers it, but then decides that a murderous hallucination in front of a coffee shop is a much better plan. Henry tries to explain his flip-floppin' financial advice to Arbogast, but it bites him in the ass when the silver fox turns him in to the cops. 

Proving that the family that schemes together stays together, Andrew and Juliet secretly team up. You'd think it would be to take Catherine down for good, but it's just to get their money back. Rich people problems, am I right? It involves a property in Palm Springs, a horny investor and giant wind turbines in the desert. Greenzo would be proud! Andrew (with the help of Juliet, who confessed everything) manages to convince Catherine that she's the one scamming him, but by the time all is revealed he's $10 million richer with his own money. And Mommy Dearest looks more terrifying than ever.

How does it end? Vic and Bridget's plan to stage "her sister's" death goes awry when the gunman shows up to do it for real, but Machado takes him out before any real harm can come to her. The gunman is unmasked - it's the guy that kinda looks like Ryan Murphy that chased her down for the mystery cell phone a hundred episodes ago - and we discover that the mastermind is none other than Catherine Martin. Who has probably been trying to kill Siobhan the whole time. Unless of course it's not. 

And now, your photocap!
























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Another well-paced episode! It's really nice to see Machado achieve some results, even if it means he has to get an FBI time-out to do it. Vic is really becoming a major player in the season, I only wish that it had happened a lot sooner. But I'm not going to look a flashback horse in the mouth, especially when it means that we get more STRIPPER BRIDGET! And JUNKIE BRIDGET! And HOOKER BRIDGET! I don't know if Catherine is capable of being the Big Bad from the very beginning, but I have faith that after some twists and turns (in the next 3 episodes) it will all make sense. Keep on keepin' on, Ringer! I really want to see what you can do with a second season. 

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