Friday, April 8, 2011


Lessons Learned:
Emma Caulfield Birthday Edition

The actress that brought the character of ex-demon Anya [Christina Emmanuella Jenkins] to life on Buffy the Vampire Slayer for 5 seasons turns 38 today! In honor of Ms. Caulfield's hilarious work, it's time to celebrate some of the Buffy moments that truly endeared her to the world.

Initially I just assumed that she would be a Cordelia surrogate, when Charisma Carpenter left to join David Boreanaz on his Angel spin-off. But by the series' end, she proved herself much more than just the bitchy comic relief. Here's what we've learned:

1. It's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not...interlock.

2. When it comes to customer service, if you already have their money - who cares what kind of day they have?

3. All children despise effort and enjoy cartoons.

4. Once someone dies, they'll never yawn or drink fruit punch again. Heartbreaking.

5. When you grab a gift out of the recipient's hands and say, "Oh, I wish it was mine!", you're probably just saying what everyone else is thinking.

6. Thanksgiving is just a ritual sacrifice...with pie.

7. When you're stuffy and repressed, you overreact.

8. Santa Claus is real, but he doesn't bring presents. He disembowels children.

9. If Captain Logic isn't steering the tugboat, then you probably smell Captain Fear at the wheel.

10. What DO bunnies need such good eyesight for, anyway?

I'll wrap up this commemorative post with Anya's brilliant speech on humanity, from the penultimate episode "End of Days":

"Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. And now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they're capable of, and I guess I just realize how amazingly...screwed up they all are. I mean, really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die. Which they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane, and yet, here's the thing: When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting. But they do. They never...they never quit. And so I guess I will keep fighting, too."

Birthday cheers to you, Emma! Thanks for embodying one of my favorite TV characters of all time.

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