Wednesday, January 19, 2011

GET OUTTA MY DREAMS


...AND INTO MY BLOODSTREAM

Earlier this week, Starbucks announced that they would be continuing their puzzling tradition of making up drink sizes we've never heard of. Beginning on February 1st, "Venti" no longer means "The Biggest One You Have" - that will soon be "Trenta". 31 ounces of iced tea? I couldn't be happier!

My addiction to the Bux's black iced tea is well-documented. It's not uncommon for me to now consume up to 5 Venti iced teas in a single afternoon during the weekend - I just have to be sure to eat something before I start drinking, or I will puke. There's a very strange parallel to alcohol at work here.

This announcement comes hot on the heels of the Seattle-based caffeine pushers' recent branding overhaul (above), which should be rolling out soon. Personally, I'm rather fond of the streamlined, logo-only decision. After all, most human beings know what company that dual-tailed naked mermaid queen works for by now. Kudos for simplicity.

There are some people who can't help but draw a connection between drink sizes and morbid obesity. My message to these folks: Focus your efforts on destroying the McRib, once and for all. Bring the recipe to Mount Doom, throw it in, call it a day!


And to my fellow iced tea enthusiasts: We're on the brink of a brave new world! Bring on the Trenta, Starbucks. I may be caffeine's bitch, but I'd much rather look like this lady than be asleep at my desk.

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