Meet the XTrain! It's not the bullet train or MagLev thing you've been hearing so much about.
Now you can get to Vegas from LA in half..no, no, wait...an hour longer than the usual time! The official XTrain site claims it takes 5 hours to get to Las Vegas by car from Los Angeles. If you're in a Model-T, maybe. Granted the party atmosphere would no doubt be amazing - a hundred people or so, all drunk and literally on miles of rails - but isn't at least a third of the fun of your Vegas bender the road trip portion? I know I always enjoy it, whether driving or being driven (thanks, Eric).
Far be it from me to argue with the necessity for newer, more inventive takes on the age-old classic "booze cruise". Seriously. I'm ready for party helicopters. Sign me up. My issue with the "XTrain" lies with its designers. Did anyone else just have a horrible 90s flashback, fun fur and all? I'm not looking for Bing Crosby or anything, but it's all just too...extreme. Which in itself feels like the quintessential 90s buzz word. Anyhoo, their train certainly goes to 11:
Oh, I didn't realize there was an on-board Hard Rock Cafe!
I feel like this would have to be called the "Sausage Party Car" but in the most heterosexual way possible. Extreme chairbacks! Extreme carpet! Extreme orchids!
Ah, for those high-rollers (read: senior citizens) who want a touch of class. Coming soon: Slutty girls from Glendale in Ke$ha dresses mounting commando anything nailed down!
And this is some straight outta Showgirls shit. It reminds me of a cross between the Stardust and Kyle McLachlan's house.
Needless to say, I'm totally doing this. At least once, before the whole operation shuts down because someone tries to take home a dead hooker on The GAP Band's Party Train. Which, incidentally plays on a loop on their website. Which is actually kind of amazing.
In the end, I raise my glass to the XTrain and their pioneering efforts. You may not be the best...but you'll be the first.