Monday, September 21, 2009

BEAUTY AND THE BAFFLED



The Emmys were on last night, and they shared two very important distinctions with the most recent Oscar telecast: I actually watched, and I actually enjoyed it...for the most part. Now, it's not that I don't normally enjoy award shows. It's simply that I don't really care enough to watch them.


Well, I guess that used to be true. The Emmys nabbed Neil Patrick Harris for hosting duties and employed the gayest graphic designer ever to come up with their ads/promos. The show was shiny, energetic, classy and fun - just like Neil Patrick Harris. I mean, for realsies - can they just let him host everything? Not only is he easy on the eyes, but he also has the fortune of being smart and actually funny. I'm looking at you, Heidi Klum - unintentionally hilarious doesn't count. And plus:

"How big is it, NPH?"

Hey-o!

Aside from that, there were some things I didn't quite understand. I'm not going to get into a big 'who should have won' rant, because that's lame...even though my opinions are right. I will, however, draw your attention to a few things throughout the course of the evening that completely defied logic. Here we go:


Hey look! The Emmys traveled through time into a future where Sex and the City returns to the small screen...and continues to win awards. How lovely to see Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall and Cynthia Nixon still looking so fabulous 50 years later. Wait...huh? What the fuck is Little Dorritt?


For those viewers who need to know periodically what they'll be watching several minutes ahead of time, CBS was kind enough to interrupt boring people's speeches with a little onscreen taste of things to come. Complete with how long you'll have to wait. Were you were going to run to the store for more chips and dip? Sit your ass down, or you're gonna miss the Death Parade!


Which brings me to my final comment. The 2009 Emmy Death Parade was accompanied by the musical stylings of international folk superstar Sarah McLachlan. Yes, her. Just when you thought the 90s were over, CBS trotted out Sarah to sing the song that launched her into the celebrity stratosphere a mere 300 years ago. In case you had any doubts, she's still just as irritatingly melodramatic a performer as she was back when Lilith Fair was even more popular with lesbians than cunnilingus.

All in all I give the Emmy telecast 5 stars, but mostly because the stage was just so damn pretty. I want giant, autonomously-mobile LED screens in my apartment! Maybe even with my name and picture on them. Is that so wrong? No. I didn't think so.