Friday, October 9, 2009


"Dear Journal,

Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones - breaking my juicer - and then at Cheerios practice...disaster. It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver. That quiver will lose us nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements...I won't be able to buy my hovercraft.


Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger - like some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything - only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens!

Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's WILL SCHUESTER. What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? You know, Journal, I noticed something yesterday. Of's becoming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I will have to destroy THE MAN!"

And there you have it. One of the most genius monologues I have seen on television in quite some time. Drag queens will be lip-syncing to this for years to come.

Not only does Ryan Murphy deserve to at least be nominated for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series for this episode of Glee (entitled "Vitamin D"), but Jane Lynch deserves pretty much EVERYTHING for her portrayal of Sue Sylvester. All hail the queens!

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