Friday, July 4, 2008

BARS, NOT BARBEQUES



Happy Independence Day! For 2008, I've decided to reach back into the archives for a "Lessons Learned" I made on MySpace one year ago. After drinking at The Abbey last night with Emily, Taylor, Andy and Larrison (my new lesbian partner in crime), I was reminded of this particular post. So before I spend the day watching musicals and eating fried chicken/sushi with E and L, I thought I'd share this "Lessons Learned" entry from one year ago today:


Lessons Learned - July 4th @ The Abbey

1) When a man doesn't respond to a gaggle of gays shouting "Raul!" half a dozen times, then it probably isn't his name.

2) Even during daylight hours and with a carnival theme, children under the age of 7 should not be admitted.

3) Holidays are no excuse to bump up the price of booze. That's just bad business.

4) Accosting people in the restroom and demanding an explanation as to why you won't fuck their ugly friends is not good manners. Wait until they've at least washed their hands and done a mirror check. Savages!

5) When having a roundtable discussion "The View"-style, keep in mind that no one wants to be told that they're the Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

6) Members of the service industry (aka "Service Industrians") are good for many things. Psuedo-dating is not among them.

7) Sunglasses at night may be a tad pretentious, but leaving them on your table just tells people that you're a drunk who's been there all day.


8) When a lesbian bartender tells you she's closing out your tab, accept it and move on. To a different bartender.

9) Asking a bartender to "make it strong" actually does work sometimes.

10) You can pretty much get away with anything, as long as you follow your statement / action by saying "It's a holiday!"

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